Disclaimer: These jokes are not meant to offend anybody. They are here to make people laugh, so don't take them personally! Those of you out there who ARE taking them personally, then lighten up... they're just jokes.

What's the difference between a singer and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What's the difference between a singer and a piranha?
The lipstick.

What's the difference between a singer and a pit bull?
The jewelry.

How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Two. One to hold the diet cola and the other to get her accompanist to do it.
Four. One to change the bulb and three to pull the chair out from under her.

What's the difference between a singer and the average hurling manager?
The stage makeup.

If you threw a fiddle player and a singer off a cliff, which one would hit the ground first?
The fiddle player. The singer would have to stop halfway down to ask directions.
Who cares?

What's the next thing a singer does in the morning?
Looks for her instrument.

How do you put a sparkle in a singer's eye?
Shine a torch in her ear.

How many singers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One to screw it in and the other to say, "Isn't that a little high for you?"

How many singers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to change the bulb and three to bitch that they could have done it if they had the high notes.

How do you tell if a singer is dead?
The wine bottle is still full and the comics haven't been touched.

Where is a singer's resonance?
Where his brain should be.

How do you tell if a singer is actually dead?
Hold out a check (but don't be fooled: a slight, residual spasmodic clutching action may occur even hours after death has occurred).

How do you tell if a singer is dead?
What's the difference?
Who cares?

How many singers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're so macho they prefer to walk in the dark and bang their shins.

How does a young man become a member of a singer?
On the first day of school he walks into the wrong classroom.

What is the difference between a world war and a singer?
The singer’s performance causes more suffering.

Why do high singers travel so often?
Keeps assassins guessing.

What's the definition of an optimist?
A singer with a mortgage.

What is the difference between a singer and a chimpanzee?
It's scientifically proven that chimpanzees are able to communicate with humans.

As soon as the singer completed a song, the audience were screaming 'Once More! Once More!'.
The Singer obliged and sang the song again. She couldn't believe it when the audience screamed for her to sing it again. This was then repeated another ten times.
Then singer overjoyed at the response from the audience thanked them and asked them why they were so interested to hear the same song again and again.
One of the people in the audience replied, 'we wanted you to improve it, now it's better.'