Disclaimer: These jokes are not meant to offend anybody. They are here to make people laugh, so don't take them personally! Those of you out there who ARE taking them personally, then lighten up... they're just jokes.

When someone tells a guitar player joke, people laugh.
When someone tells a bodhrán player joke, people nod in solemn agreement.

Bodhrán care is simple...
Rub gently with lighter fluid and ignite.

What's the proper way to play a bodhrán?
With an open penknife.

Is a bodhrán player a musician?
Is a barnacle a ship?

What do you call a groupie who hangs around annoying seisiun musicians?
A bodhrán player.

What's the difference between a bodhran player and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the rhythm into the drum machine once.

Why is a bodhran player like a foot massage?
A foot massage bucks up the feet, whereas...

What do you call a bodhrán player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.

What do you call a bodhrán player with a mobile phone?
An optimist.

What is the difference between a bodhrán player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.

What do bodhrán players use for birth control?
Their personalities.

How do you know when there is a bodhrán player at your front door ?
The knocking gets faster and faster and faster...

What do you call a bodhrán player with a broken wrist?
A huge improvement.

Why do bodhrán players find it difficult to enter a room?
They never know when to come in.

What's the difference between a bodhrán and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.

Why do men make better bodhran players than women?
Because they have already mastered the wrist movement.

There was once a fiddle player who, while visiting the local pub, was asked for a euro to help pay for the funeral of a local bodhrán player.
"Here's two euros;" he says "bury another."

What is the difference between a dead bodhran player lying in the road and and a dead rabbit lying in the road?
The rabbit might have been on it's way to a gig.

What have a bodhrán player and a sperm got in common?
One chance in a million of ever becoming a human being!

How is pre-mature ejaculation like a bodhrán solo?
You know perfectly well what's about to happen, but you can't do a thing about it.

Collective noun: "A skinful of bodhráns."

How many bodhrán players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn't matter... one more will always show up.

How do you know the stage is level?
The bodhrán player's drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

A bodhrán player is explaining the construction of his drum to a tourist.
"This part here," he says, "is made of wood. And this part that I beat on... well, I don't know what it is." The tourist says, "Skin?" The bodhrán player shakes his head, "No, s'no kin o'mine."
"Leather...." says the tourist. "Fair to partly cloudy, but it could mist up any time," says the bodhrán player.
Exasperated, the tourist shouts, "Hide! Hide! The cow's outside!" The bodhrán player shakes his head and takes another sip of beer. "Why? Who's afraid of a bloody cow?"

A bodhrán player, a banjo player, and a bagpipe player jump out of an airplane without parachutes. Which one hits the ground first?
Who cares?

Best things to do with a bodhrán:
Set fire to the hoop and make the player jump through it.
Roll it over a cliff into the sea.
Nail bean tin can lids around the rim and use it as a tambourine.